I'm moving along in my pregnancy fairly well but I still feel so sick! Jordan has been such a trooper and I'm so glad but some days I feel like I've hit my limit and I'm just miserable. I left my first trimester feeling pretty good for about two weeks and then it was like my morning sickness came back in full force. It's changed in the fact that it is now worse in the morning than any other time of day....but I still gag on everything throughout the day. I am doing better with foods, I'm at a point where I can crave something and actually be able to eat it so that's a plus. It's going to be while before I go to KFC, they're commercials are totally grossing me out! I can't even look at them anymore. I have this new thing where all of a sudden I get really dizzy and I have to sit down because I feel like I'm going to faint.
I think I struggle the most with being sick alone. Jordan is working graveyards because it makes more money and he actually likes it better than working the day shift. I am so proud of him for working so hard. However, his schedule has been really hard on me. He's been working four nights out of the week lately and obviously that means I sleep alone. I try to call him before I go to sleep so I can say goodnight. He's there when I wake up but I have to be very quiet not wake him up. I feel bad anytime I have to turn on the lamp so some days I'll just go upstairs and lounge in my pajamas until he wakes up.....feeling extremely gross and lazy which usually ends in a bad day.
He doesn't usually wake up until two or three after a night of work and to keep his schedule consistent he tries to stay up late on his nights off too. He'll go to bed around three and wake up around noon or one the next morning. It's nice having him next to me on those nights, but it's still not the same and I still have to be quiet and respectful in the mornings. And I have to say that being so sick in the mornings is really hard. I want to wake him up and cry and tell him all of my frustrations but then I know I'm being selfish and I can't do that. I have a hard time at work and I struggle with the decision to quit everyday. I think my problem is that quitting will be like losing. I'm already feeling insufficient as a wife because some days it takes all my energy just to shower and I'm not making very much money at work.
I know that these aren't the first sacrifices we'll ever have to make and I try to look at this as one big long training session to see how well Jordan and I can adjust. I really try not to complain because I'm still so excited and so grateful to be pregnant. I'm excited to see my doctor next week because I'm hoping he can pull something out of his sleeve and help me to not be so sick. I'm working on my financial aid and I'm going to register for school this week. I'm both excited and nervous but I think things will work out.
We're so close to finding out what we're having, I think if I can make it to that point maybe I won't mind so much when I gag.
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