This years holiday was very quiet for us. I ended up spending almost the entire day photographing a wedding with my awesome business partner Jocelyn. At first, I was a little bummed because I had no idea when we'd get done and I did want to celebrate the evening with Jordan. But once I was there I was happy I'd gone. I love to photograph weddings, they're so exciting and so fun. Everyone is so happy, especially the bride, and it's been so fun getting to know these couples who are about to start their lives together. It was such a romantic way to end the year and I'm glad I got to be a part of it.
I got home around 8:30pm and still had plenty of time to celebrate with Jordan, who was patient enough to keep Tobi up a little longer so I could see him. We watched Underworld and just relaxed until we finally called it a night, and a happy new year, sometime around 11:00. I know I know, it makes me feel so old not being able to stay up late anymore. So here I am, January 1st of 2012 and I'm mostly hoping that this year will be better than the last. Last year started out great, but from August on it's really been a struggle for me. I've had the worst depression, which is pretty uncommon for me, and I'm still trying to work my way through it. I've been to the doctor multiple times and in an out of therapy, desperate to keep myself from being hospitalized...that's the last thing I want right now. My family has been worried about me and I don't want that for them, especially Jordan. Some days I wake up feeling rejuvenated and great, and others I feel....hopeless. I can't function. I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm suffocating and all alone. I'm so grateful for the friends and family that have been so supportive and willing to sit with me on those days. It's those days when I'm really scared of being alone, I don't trust myself and it's been really hard for me to admit that. Today I feel good. Today is a good day and I hope I can say the same for all the rest. I hope this year is better for me. I hope that I can find myself again, as lame as it sounds, I'm just not me right now.
And that is so not where I planned on taking this post! I hope you all had a great New Year's Eve and I wish you all a very happy New Year!
1 comment:
That is such a wonderful post, as someone who struggled with depression it is so refreshing to see such honesty about it. Here's to a wonderful New Year for you and Jordan!
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