We meet again

I was tested this week for gestational diabetes and my test came back high.  I have to go in next week to do their three hour test, which really didn't go well the last time around so I'm really nervous.  Even though I told myself I would have it and I tried to prepare, I still cried for most of the day yesterday.  And then I keep wondering if this is happening to me because I'm overweight and I feel even more frustrated and angry at myself.  My weight played a part in my depression last year and I had been to my doctor and a therapist trying to help myself with the cravings I get.  It's not an easy thing and self loathing is no stranger to my life, even now.  I cannot stand to see pictures of me, I try not to post them or even have them taken to begin with unless I have to.  I keep telling myself it will be easier when the baby gets here, I'll have more energy and I can get a better exercise routine in place.  I started prenatal water aerobics last night and I had a lot of fun, but I left feeling really sick, which is usually what happens when I try to exercise when I'm pregnant.  For some reason it really gets my acid reflux going and I end up puking.  I'm going to keep going though, because I really need the exercise and I do enjoy being in the water.